I did it again!

[If I get time it’d be nice to just pop in a photo or two from where I was working but let’s not make this thing an unnecessarily large task, it’ll be nice when my media server is setup so photos just all zoom around to a single place]

Ok yep as I said I really really need this entry to be short so I’ll keep it concise.

I planned to get the whole of Paper 3 done today and I actually did! I got an estimated 62% which is frustrating because now I’m feeling like if I’m lucky I can get a really impressive grade, but let’s keep this up so we don’t get overwhelmed and fail - I’ll see if I can do some revision of all the papers if I get the 4 hour paper 4 done and mark it before late. Usually my day finishes right as I need to wind down. SO:

• My goal for tomorrow is paper 4. To do it all, and to get it marked. Then it’d be nice to touch up these blogs, add in some website features, print out some postcards that I’ve wanted to write and excercise, oh and order the parts (jesus my mind is good at WANTING), hmm actually if I get the paper done let’s see if I actually get all of this done, I feel like it’s an interesting question always of if i’m underperforming or overaiming. Maybe writing them all here will stop me scope creeping or being distracted on individual tasks because I know I have the rest present.

Regarding how my day went it was actually quite lonely in the morning because my informal but what has evolved to become my “study buddy” had flying lessons all day, I also woke up late due to staying up umm… defintaly not writing yesterdays blog late. BUT we managed to recover and get the whole 4 hour paper done with only one slip up where I started trying to debug my kanata (for some reason my launch daemon stops it entering greek letters if anyone has any suggestions ??) but I realised and went back to the mission. And yep 62%.

Then I had dinner with three friends whom I hope are ok After that I had a second dinner with a friend and went back to the library for marking.

I don’t know when I realised, I think it was yesterday, but I randomly had a paradigm shift in dating approach. I feel confident I shouldn’t be looking in this phase of my life, but I (and this is a personal mental shift not really a quote) sort of had the realisation that if you wouldn’t enjoy a single one off date with the person you’re thinking of, regardless of what they think of you (assuming they’re kind to you and continue to treat you in the way you associate them with), then you don’t actually like them and you like some alternative idea. I feel like with a racing mind it’s easy to imagine certain futures but it’s actually a really useful tool for me to re-ground myself in the present, it’s like i’ve unlocked a sensor that warns me when I’m making up an imaginary story and becoming attatched to that.

I know it’s simple but the best relationships don’t depend on how the other person sees you at all, just if you both want to spend time together.

And yep, for some reason I feel like my brain made progress recognising when I’m not thinking about things in the right way, and hopefully that means I can save loads of mental energy now and focus on either healthy relationships (via umm allocating time with people not spending time thinking about what they think of me) or spend more energy on making things, which would be fantastic.

And then someone introduced me to two songs that I was not expecting to go so hard, so I went on a long walk and listened to them on repeat. That’s the day :)

Yes, I need to practice shorter entries when it’s this late. Or get comfortable with skipping days. Or this habit is going to potentially be suboptimal?

Goodnight guys.