I'm tired

It’s funny how much time I spent thinking about writing, thinking about what I’d put here, all morning and all day. Now, I just realise I am so tired, and I should go to bed.

But in the nature of continuing the habit I will put something small, to tick it over. My day was lovely today, and I was thinking about how grateful I am to have lots of days, I still think it’s wonderful to know I have good mental health without taking it for granted. I woke up with a spring in my step feeling well slept. Then tried to work for a long time but consistently was distracted, it was one of those days, between the energy drink and the midnight website refactor I feel like I maybe didn’t actually sleep that well yesterday, but we learn! Hopefully this blog doesn’t get too long :)

The whole day was allocated to revision, I started in the engineering library, migrated to a supervision room and then worked with a friend until I realised I was actually in a productivityless state and just went to the gym instead, which is not a bad conversion. A lovely highlight of the day was how friendly the barista was today, I always love to get to know people and it makes me so happy when they’re friendly back. Genuinely blown away by how friendly people can be. After the gym in the evening I got to have a nice meal with two friends and we looked into buying parts to make a wing edf aircraft. The intention was to buy but it was getting late and I feel like just the fact we know what we want isn’t bad. And hey, I got Thomas on board which was nice. And now here we are shortly after with this little entry as the only thing between me and sleep!

Hmm.. I’ll reread this tomorrow, as I really should go to bed but I’m never sure what I’m meant to do with journalling, is it meant to be a record? A list of what I did? Or should I record what was going on in my mind during the day. Because that was a different story, one that would make me look quite egotistical because it usually consists of me giving speeches on how to be successful when I get tired. In my defence, I think that might be because my brain is trying to figure it out myself, but it’s a funny quirk of the brain that I’m always very successful whilst telling audiences.

What about including or not including names in the journal.. It feels like I probably need to ask for consent beforehand right.

AHH it happened. During my thinking about what to write all day instead of actually writing I kept thinking about how chain of thought reasonings like the one above are the equivalent of leaving workings in my answer. I think the first thing I want to contemplate with writing is the question of is it right for me to show my workings. Sentences like the one above frequently could happen, I could write simply what the voice in my head thinks until it cultivates too fast that I can’t keep track anymore. I sort of feel like there’s three options, write my workings, write far less and therefore only write what the workings lead to or practice writing end value quickly and swiftly. I think back to this notion of some people always doing things of value, I’m quite obsessed with practicing the feeling of being at that point, where I’m not doing all the value precursive or value adjacent stuff - what does it feel like. Am I just trying to chase a fantasy of being able to get away with rushing or is this a real thing?

As I write now I’m sort of wondering if there’s a skill to training your thoughts to be cohesive in realtime, I wonder how possible this is. Maybe if I get into a mindful state this will be the case. This is a question to answer as I continue this habit maybe. Well, I’ll leave you with a couple of topics I hope to write about in the coming days, I think maybe some days I’ll iterate on real topics instead of posting a wandering wondering. Oh and after that hopefully some photographs of beautiful things in my day.

Considering investment return horizons, and metacontemplations in general as a fourier transform that sort of makes you realise that it’s really similar to a song. This needs a shorter title for sure, but like the routine tasks like work appear to form a beat and then we have these joyful moments that are magical and more like a melody behind our life. I hope this is a real link. Maybe the link comes from us seeing everyday interactions as a creative source like art.

• Finishing things in general.
• How to make my thoughts more interesting when writing
• Any advice I have of mechanisms that have helped me that others may benefit from.
  • (Why has my mind gone blank there are so many).
  • The concept that calories are literally a form of nutrition.
  • Why I love flying, and my interactions with the sensations of being afraid.
  • My symmetrical model for “Dopamine”.
  • Is consciousnessmaxxing a thing?

Hmm it’s crazy that it felt like I had loads of things I wanted to talk about and now I have none, maybe I’m tired or maybe I should offload so I’m calm enough to do more soon.

Well good luck tomorrow me tidying this one up. It feels like a lot of yap about nothing but I suppose if we get through this part, get the feedback and keep iterating the journal might magically turn into a list of real things.. Oh and maybe we come up with a conclusion for how to do the whole including friends thing again. Gosh I’m so tired most of this was typed with my eyes closed.

Goodnight!