Materials exam

Today’s exam felt like it did not go well.

I went home and for some reason, for the first time ever, asked ChatGPT to mark it harshly and got 40–50%. This figure is completely useless given I didn’t give it the questions, let alone a mark scheme, but I basically just spent the whole afternoon seemingly trying to process that I didn’t do well in one exam like it was an existential thing.

I also went to see a friend’s house before he moved out and had a bike accident where I lost my keys, which didn’t help the matter. But I think the main cause for the crisis was that school and uni become quite an identity. I felt quite strongly in Year 6, after leaving, this complete lack of an identity — a student at my primary school — that was so engrained that it really was strong when it went.

Presumably the feeling of the exams unpeeling, and the fact that I do kind of aspire to make real things as soon as possible, made me realise I was going to have to shift my identity to other places. It was actually kind of a really useful experience because even if I don’t physically change things, the fact that I have this probably influences my values to depths I’m not even aware of.

Helping my friend move out was also a nice distraction, and the other thing I concluded is that I’m personally not really one to cram for exams. I shouldn’t have changed that strategy today, so will bear this in mind for the future.